Five Ways to Make David More Attractive to Women

Before too much of this summer gets underway, I'd like to run another checklist on the things I have accomplished so far. You see, last summer I tackled the issue of why, in my 19 years of life (I was 19 then you see), I have never had a girlfriend. In accordance with protocol, I broke down and analyzed my situation, and came up with five different ways to make myself more attractive to women. So before I continue with this summer's program, I think it's useful to assess how far I've gotten in terms of achieving these goals:

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1. Become useful

Part of my analysis told me that I possess neither good looks nor charm, nor am I good in bed (at least, I haven't had a chance to try that out yet. Although common sense tells me that to test that out you gotta get someone IN bed in the first place). These are things that I would have great difficulty improving. However, what I CAN work on is my utility and dependability. Having all sorts of skills makes me thus more marketable to women. So far I've learned how to cook and clean, and do just about everything else about the house. And I'm working on other skills, like carpentry and generic PC maintenance (I AM an EECS major after all...I should know this stuff...). Having many skills gives me a plethora of options with which to be cute to a girl.

I can basically survive pretty well on my own these days, which is another extra marketing point. However, so far the only woman this has made happy is my mother (not that I'm complaining about making my own mother happy).

B+

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2. Figure out what to do with my life

A generic goal, but hey, you look better if you know what you're doing right? I know the general direction I want to go (I really love EECS and Physics), but so far have not been able to live up to my intended goal (professor of EECS at some major research university, or a researcher at a major lab). Still, I have acquired a diverse enough skill set that I can still be "successful" in a lot of other capacities (everyone needs a computer/electronics guy right?).

B/B-

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3. Get social skills

Before you get a lover, shouldn't you get friends? My awkwardness has always been an obstacle for me in this capacity. But what can I do, I'm four years removed from being anti-social; I woke up one day junior year in high school and thought to myself, "damn, not having any friends sucks. I should try to be friendlier" It is no surprise then that I essentially started from scratch and now have the social abilities of a four year old (ok six years old. All those years before have to be worth SOMETHING right?).

Over the past year however, I've been putting myself out there more consistently and, as noted in a previous post, have been worrying less and less about embarassment. I'm also nicer to people, and can even call some of them friends! I suppose it all boils down to confidence. I hear chicks dig that.

C-

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4. SLIM DOWN!

My least favorite item on this list. I always told myself that if being fat weren't unhealthy, I wouldn't mind at all. Being roly poly fits my personality better and hey, being fat helps act as a filter to girls who may not be attracted to my personality. Besides, I have the body of a god anyway. Alas, my lack of other attractive traits has reduced me to working on my physique. So far it's been alright. I've lost a significant amount of weight and am just a wee bit stronger. I've still got a long way to go though.

C-

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5. Learn Guitar

I don't really know why I put this here. I suppose it's to round out the list to 5. Or maybe it's to keep up the image of me as an instrument whore. Or maybe, in true David Clarino fashion, the last thing just had to be something really different and fucking random. Learning Guitar it is.

The guitar as a serenading instrument has since been superseded by this instrument played by someone wearing maybe one of these and/or perhaps a pair of these . That just about puts the sexiness through the roof. But hey, I'm old school, and maybe a bit corny. I got a guitar junior year of high school, and promptly forgot about it until I brought it up to Berkeley for the express purpose of accomplishing #5 on the list of Ways to Make David More Attractive to Women.

And what do I have to show for it? I can strum a C chord. Go Bears.

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OK, so these are terribly useless when it comes to making myself more attractive to women. They're still good for something though. I just like to think all of this will make it easier to get with a girl in the end. So leave me alone. Constructive fantasies are hard to come by.

No Regrets

Conservation Part 1: Cost and Effect

The funny thing about our universe is that it seems to operate on one simple principle: There Ain't No Such Thing As A Free Lunch (TANSTAAFL). Everything from the Second Law of Thermodynamics to basic Supply and Demand in Economics points to the fact that to get something, you must give something else. Hell, you can't even get knowledge for free (Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle. Or college tuition fees). If there truly is a just and fair dude who pulls the strings upstairs, he/she/it must be really clever: because he/she/it set up this universe to assess costs FOR him/her/it.

Of course, fairness is in the eye of the beholder. A girl, for example, may be willing to spend anywhere between $80-$120 on a pretty dress, which she will truthfully only wear a few times, while a guy would balk at spending that much money on any single article of clothing, yet shell out three times as much dough on a gaming system. In the end, the simple question is, "What's it worth to you?". In the former case, it may be the opportunity to hear people say "DAYUM!" for several weeks afterward. In the latter, hours and hours of carefree bliss ignoring the steady list of responsibilities compiling by the wayside.

Money, of course, isn't the only measure of worth. When making decisions, we naturally weigh the costs versus the rewards. Is going to college far away worth not seeing my high school friends everyday? Is taking the bus for free worth the time I would lose had I taken the BART for $2? Even when we feel constrained to make a decision, we are still weighing costs. The statement "I don't have a choice" is really shorthand for "The costs of the alternatives are so unacceptable that I don't even think about them"

The truly liberating moment for me came when I realized the existence of these alternatives. I felt true freedom when I stopped feeling like I have to do something. I don't have to skip out on hanging out with my friends: I can just get 2 hours of sleep that day while I do my homework until 6 AM. I don't have to finish this project before I start studying for the test: I just take a hit on my project grade and study a satisfactory amount for my test. With a little effort, you realize that you had ignored some other acceptable alternatives because you thought the obvious one had the only acceptable result. Slowly, your picture of what's acceptable and unacceptable grows more clear as you assess the consequences of each alternative thoroughly. The question then goes from "Is this the right decision or not?" to a question that is at once easier and harder to answer: "What was it worth?"

I ask myself this question everyday. Contrary to what it seems like, I am not second-guessing myself. Regret is the single most useless human emotion, as it is regressive. In the words of William Adama "You must live with the decisions you make" The decision is in the past, and all you can do is figure out where that has left you. Asking myself what it was worth gives me a better picture of my current situation: what did I get out of it? what did I have to give for it? All this assessment naturally leads to an answer for the next question: what do I do next? Instead of pining about all the different ways I could have done it better, I now assess all the ways to go forward from here. And that, my friends, is the only direction to go.

One Step At A Time